After
a few moments, the dancer did
another
move, and snatched off her
dress,
revealing a very thin G-string.
Again
the man behind our friend yelled out, "Oh baby! You're almost there!"
|
Our
friend again turned around and said, "Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya!"
|
A few
minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the
pasties and the
G-string,
and the whole club went wild, except for the man behind our friend. Curious, our
friend
turned
around and asked, "Say buddy, where's your enthusiasm now?"
|
The guy responded, "It's all over your back, dude."
A Dog Named Sex
Everybody
I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or
"Spot".
I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very
embarrassing
to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew
the
dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for
Sex.
He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But
she
is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I
said,
"You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was
nine
years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a
strong
boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister
that
I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to
wait
until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has
played
a big part in my life and my whole world revolves
around
Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my
personal
life and would not marry us in his church. I told him
everyone
would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next
day
we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is
barred
from the church from then on.
|
When my
wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog
with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that
I wanted
a room for me and my wife and a special room for
Sex.
He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't
understand. ... Sex
keeps
me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
|
One
day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran
away. Another
contestant
asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex
in the
contest.
He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand,"
I said, "I hoped to
have
Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
|
When
my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said,
"Your Honor, I
had
Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge
said, "Me too!"
|
Last
night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over
and asked me
what
I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking
for Sex." -- My case
comes
up next Thursday.
|
Well
now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that
dog than I
ever
foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist,
she asked
me,
"What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best
friend all my life but now it has
left
me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said,
"Look mister, you should
understand
that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
Sex To My Dearest Wife
During
the past year, I have attempted to
make
love to you 365 times. I have
succeeded
36 times, which is an average of
only
once every 10 days. The following is a
list
of why I didn't succeed more often:
|
We
will wake the kids - 54 times
It's
too late - 15 times
I'm
too tired - 42 times
It's
too early - 12 times
It's
too hot - 18 times
Pretending
to be asleep - 31 times
The
neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache
or backache - 26 times
Sunburn
- 10 times
Your
mother will hear us - 9 times
Not
in the mood - 21 times
Watching
the late show - 17 times
Too
sore - 26 times
New
hairdo - 6 times
Wrong
time of the month - 14 times
You
had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
|
Of
the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because
6 times you just laid
there,
8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told
me to hurry up
and
get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and
once I was afraid that
I had
hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to
improve this,
shall
we??
|
|
|
